she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
