I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
