I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Can I color on your dick again?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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