I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
