ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
