Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
