I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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