so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize