I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
