I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
