you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
