I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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