my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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