idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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