Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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