Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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