I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
