I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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