Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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