got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just found puke in my bra..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can you bring me the toilet please
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize