i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
