to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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