Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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