I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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