Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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