pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
