Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize