you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
