Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
