Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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