He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
