we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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