ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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