i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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