well I can't set my house on fire every night
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
