I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
