I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
