Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
