I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
