just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
