marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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