Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
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I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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