i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
