Farmville is her only friend.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize