i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
