oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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