I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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