Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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