Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
