i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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