First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
