from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
