I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
