I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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