I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
