I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
