Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
