You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
