I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus