Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
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He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
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Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society