I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!