Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(802): View more from Vermont

Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."

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(802): Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami." http://tfl.nu/q4af

Replies (17) Good night (742) Bad night (3966)
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(253): View more from Washington

I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.

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(253): I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan. http://tfl.nu/4ryj

Replies (14) Good night (852) Bad night (2808)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.

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(860): Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious. http://tfl.nu/hqob

Replies (10) Good night (3742) Bad night (560)
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(585): View more from New York

okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.

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(585): okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea. http://tfl.nu/vuoh

Replies (28) Good night (5684) Bad night (740)
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(914): View more from New York

I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.

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(914): I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever. http://tfl.nu/u669

Replies (18) Good night (1212) Bad night (7519)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.

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(603): did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless. http://tfl.nu/v4st

Replies (9) Good night (6075) Bad night (1335)
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(914): View more from New York

If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.

(914): View more from New York

I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.

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(914): If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded. (914): I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit. http://tfl.nu/hj4l

Replies (14) Good night (1956) Bad night (905)
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(315): View more from New York

15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...

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(315): 15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that... http://tfl.nu/f0xw

Replies (4) Good night (1449) Bad night (627)
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(520): View more from Arizona

So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?

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(520): So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend? http://tfl.nu/gpxm

Replies (3) Good night (829) Bad night (762)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?

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(919): Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight? http://tfl.nu/lpr7

Replies (5) Good night (1183) Bad night (480)
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(315): View more from New York

max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet

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(315): max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet http://tfl.nu/2t6q

Replies (4) Good night (1115) Bad night (662)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.

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(603): I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. (1-603): It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay. http://tfl.nu/8z7g

Replies (8) Good night (1496) Bad night (525)
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(406): View more from Montana

3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.

(1-406): View more from Montana

How stoned are you?

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(406): 3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant. (1-406): How stoned are you? http://tfl.nu/v7x3

Replies (1) Good night (691) Bad night (300)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Naked.

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(202): I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out. (202): Naked. http://tfl.nu/m66x

Replies (1) Good night (571) Bad night (706)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.

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(336): We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette. http://tfl.nu/ba64

Replies (7) Good night (382) Bad night (628)

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