I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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