Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.

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(858): View more from California

We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(785): View more from Kansas

They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.

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(785): View more from Kansas

well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.

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(425): View more from Washington

Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???

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