Texts From Last Night

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  (801): View more from Utah

  We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."

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  (801): We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move." http://tfl.nu/deqa
  Replies (33) Good night (4474) Bad night (578)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.

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  (508): He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think. http://tfl.nu/5bqt
  Replies (36) Good night (6298) Bad night (526)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move

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  (319): Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move http://tfl.nu/sk1v
  Replies (15) Good night (4451) Bad night (536)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked

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  (516): Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked http://tfl.nu/j7ko
  Replies (3) Good night (3267) Bad night (793)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.

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  (973): I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation. http://tfl.nu/5xqx
  Replies (7) Good night (863) Bad night (4498)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.

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  (859): And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues. http://tfl.nu/sbd6
  Replies (9) Good night (2030) Bad night (1466)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes

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  (301): Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes http://tfl.nu/frgb
  Replies (9) Good night (4006) Bad night (981)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.

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  (816): Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing. http://tfl.nu/pnzr
  Replies (1) Good night (1745) Bad night (559)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.

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  (502): I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever. http://tfl.nu/bzzy
  Replies (6) Good night (3819) Bad night (647)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime

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  (541): I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime http://tfl.nu/biqg
  Replies (9) Good night (2121) Bad night (932)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.

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  (561): We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave. http://tfl.nu/7zum
  Replies (9) Good night (1521) Bad night (456)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.

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  (250): Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November. http://tfl.nu/s7yk
  Replies (4) Good night (607) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.

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  (870): I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting. http://tfl.nu/ibtm
  Replies (9) Good night (644) Bad night (484)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.

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  (440): you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied. http://tfl.nu/16n4
  Replies (2) Good night (704) Bad night (245)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.

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  (781): Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all. http://tfl.nu/k6ec
  Replies (1) Good night (441) Bad night (192)

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