if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
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she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm like, not good at living.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal