I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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